Funny Stories (English)

LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO COMMIT SUICIDE

just Noticed that Life is too short to
commit suicide cuz In the year 2002 nokia
3310 was
N75k with N40k econet sim card,
but today its N700 and the sim is free..
In 2003 samsung c100 was N48k and I
must recharge with atleast N1500 airtime
every... two weeks or else my sim will be
blocked. today its N800 and I dont even
need to recharge to retain my sim
{customers are needed}...
In 2004 sendo x with camera and 16mb
memory card {one of the cheapest mp3
enabled phoneback den}was N39k today
its free...
In 2006 sagem my v55 was N30k today
its going for N300...
2008 nko blackberry bold 2
was N135k today blackberry is no more
producing new bold 2... so London used na
N15k.. U can get 9ja used for N6k...
So my friend, if u neva dey use blackberry
porch, htc smart phones, android, ipad,
iphone, playbook or nokia 808, pls, dnt
worry.
Just wait and see, coz before 2015 our
children will be using them as
toys....*smiles
#... ...Be Patient.
Dis makes me wonder why sum girls go
crazy simply coz of material tins.
U want a bold 5,
U want brazilian hair,
U want LV bag, but remember, Beatles was
d richest car in 1980'z.....THIN K!!!
See d kinda of depreciation it experienced
within short period.
BEAUTY FADES! WEALTH can also be
ERASED.
Jux work hard, Hav a good character and Be
loyal to ur feelings!!!,and lastly rem dos wit d
bests
cars 2day once wlkd on foot,calm down n
Give God ur
time,for only Him can mk............. ........
Time shall favour u.
Can i hear ur Amen??

THE END

POST BY: admin

GEOGRAPHY TEACHER

A secondary school geography teacher went
to drink at a beer parlour after school on
friday. His wife was at home waiting for
himto come back as usual. Past 4pm he's not
yet back, so the wife thought he is staying for
evening class. 8pm he is not yet back so the
wife became worried and alerted some
friends. They all went to the school to find
everywhere empty. They called theprincipal
and he said the man left for home
immediately after school. This made the wife
to become more worried. It's now 11pm so
they went and reported to the police who
joined in the search. At about 2:30pm, they
found the man sitting at a corner, awake and
not sleeping. They reached to him and asked
why hehas refused to come home. He called
them a bunch of illiterates..." you lack
knowledge in geography,.. since the earth
rotates with everything in it, I decided to sit
here and wait for my house"

THE END

POST BY: admin

THE FOUR FRIENDS

one day four friends Anointed. Emmanuel.
Michael..and Sam went to the burial ceremony
of their friend in a certain village in ghana.
it is the custom and tradition of the village
that when a deceased is about to be buried,
his friends will put something in his/ her
casket.
Anointed had nothing to give at the moment
so he assisted the women in cooking and
serving foods and drinks to guests. that was
all he did.
Emmanuel put into the casket some expensive
wine worth of $3500. He said ''bros keep
shining your eyes till we meet again...good
bye''
Michael counted a reasonable amount of
money ($5,000) and put in the casket and
Said "my dear i could have given u more than
this, but due to economic crises in our
country , this is only what i can afford
now..use it to upkeep yourself till we meet
together once again''
The last person Sam wrote a cheque of $
15,000 put in the casket and collected
michael's $5000 and said. "nna you know that
the journey is too far, so i gave u the cheque
of fifteen thousand dollars, if you get to the
land of death, pls withdraw the whole
amount. my own ten thousand dollars plus
michael's five thousand dollars is fifteen
thousand dollars,,i have collected my change,
so all of the money is yours...try and be holy till
we meet again,,good bye''

THE END

POST BY: admin

I WANTED TO USE MY ATM

I wanted to use my ATM
card but the machine kept on rejecting the card. A frustrated
me called my bank help line.
Me: (angrily) So what's
wrong with my ATM card.
Call girl : Sir, I have checked your
account, everything
is alright here and You should be
able to use your
card, are you sure your card is
not damaged or broken?
Me: Are you insane? What are
you insinuating? No
one takes good care of their ATM
card like I do.
Call girl: Okay Sir, are you also
sure the surface isn't
wet or stained with dirt?
Me: You dey mad? ATM card
wey I dey pet like egg. As a matter of fact, I even laminated it last week when I laminated my Identity card.

THE END

POST BY: admin

STRESS

Real Stress?
You stop and pick up a nice hitchhiking girl.
Suddenly she loses consciousness and you
take her to a hospital. This is STRESS! In the
hospital you are being told that she is
pregnant and doctors start congratulating
you with the future newborn.You explain that
just an hour ago you have seen her for the
first time in your life, but she starts telling that
you are the father. This is a BIG STRESS
already. You require for a DNR analysis and
they make it. Then the doctors tell you silently,
that actually, you can't be a father since you
are genetically sterile (genetically cannot
produce children). This is a STRESS, combined
with a relief. On your way back home you
remember, that you have three kids. That's
what the REAL STRESS is. P.S. What do you do
to your wife when you get home?

THE END

POST BY: admin

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