When I was about
5/6 my mom and stepdad bought my
sister and I bikes for Easter. After
church they were like “do you wanna
learn how to ride them?” And I was
like??? Duh?? I had finally gotten the
hang of it and I was riding around the
circle showing off, and my mom was
like “say cheese” so I look over at her
for a second and I FUCKING RAM
INTO A CAR AT FULL SPEED. A parked
car that I didn’t even see, like at all, so
I just rammed into this car and I fell
off my bike and I was crying and all I
could think about was “this must be
how bugs feel” like they’re flying
around living life and then SPLAT.
Looking back that was my first
existential crisis
THE END
POST BY: gluex
I LITERALLY “FELL” FOR HIM
Since my
crush sits behind me in class, when we
stood up to do the pledge I stood up
too fast and I stumbled over to him so
to not fall on the ground I reached to
grab his desk but I accidentally
GRABBED HIM and I ended up falling
on top of him and we both screamed.
Luckily I didn’t hurt or crush him. My
teacher and everyone else started
laughing and I got so red afterwards.
Now when we stand up for the pledge,
he moves all the way to the back of
the room away from me…
THE END
POST BY: gluex
I NEVER GOT TO EAT MY PRINGLES
Okay,
so this was in fourth grade, and I was
in this class with all these dumbass
kids.
Here’s the back story: My parents
usually pack me fruit for a snack, but
on this day they packed me like half of
the leftover Pringles from the day
before, you know, in that cylinder
container. I was really excited since I
LOVE PRINGLES. But when recess
came around so I could take MY
Pringles and go eat it outside, they
weren’t in my bag. I started scoping
the area, trying to find my Pringles. I
call the teacher, she tries to find them
but she can’t either. Than this thought
comes to my mind—What if MOIRA
STOLE IT?
Moira was this chubby girl in my class
that literally ALWAYS wore this purple
princess dress that should be classified
as a bad Halloween costume
(seriously) and was known for being a
bitch.
Being the judgmental 9-10 year old I
was, I straight out concluded that she
must’ve stolen my damn Pringles. I
just tell my teacher, “Well too bad, I’ll
just go out for recess now. It was just
PRINGLES.” Being a little angel. So I
stomp out of the class and start
searching for Moira. I’m talking
checking areas, finding witnesses,
wasting my time. So after a solid 10
minutes, I find a group of these kids
crowded at the side of one of the
portable classrooms. I rush over to see
what it is. The kids were eating
Pringles. Barbecue flavored Pringles.
MY PRINGLES. I start raging as I
smack the Pringles out of the kids’
hands and start ripping people away
from the main source. And in the
middle of all the kids, sat a smug
looking MOIRA with my PRINGLES. I
look all mad and rip the BLOODY
EMPTY CONTAINER OF PRINGLES OUT
OF THE DAMN BITCH’S FILTHY
HANDS. By now even dumbass Moira
knows what’s up, she’s a goner. I
would’ve murdered her at the very
least, but a supervisor saw us and ran
over.
Moira was forced to apologize and I
was forced to accept her damn
apology.
I never got to eat my Pringles.
To this day I’m sure she fears my cold
dead hands, ready to rip her lying
face off.
THE END
POST BY: gluex
LOTION BOY
One time in my
chemistry class, while the teacher was
talking, this guy asked loudly, “Does
anyone have any lotion?” The teacher
stopped talking as some girl gave him
some hand lotion.
The guy proceeds to slowly rub the
lotion on his face as the whole class
watches him in confusion.
The teacher asks him what he’s doing,
and he responds with “I forgot to
moisturize this morning” and puts
even more on his face.
The teacher asks him to go to the hall
to finish his moisturizing because he’s
being a distraction, and after about 10
minutes he still hasn’t come back in,
so someone opens the door to check
and he’s still smearing lotion all over
his face. He finally comes back in and
hands the girl her lotion, and he’s
used up half of it. Now people call him
lotion boy.
THE END
POST BY: gluex
MY FAVORITE TEACHER
One time in 6th
grade we were at recess and while I
was running to my friends, I just so
happened to kick a HUGE rock (keep
in mind, I was wearing flip-flops so it
hurt like hell) and without thinking, I
shouted at the top of my lungs
“MOTHERFUCKER!” And with my god-
awful luck, my math teacher was
sitting at the bench right BESIDE ME.
He then took me inside to what I
thought was yell at me but he just
couldn’t stop laughing and sent me
back outside with a literal candy bar.
He is still my favorite teacher I’ve ever
had.